Inspire Not Require

Inspire not require is the mantra of the TJEd education philosophy and it seems pretty straight forward but when it comes to the "inspire" word I fretted and searched and researched and didn't have a very satisfactory understanding of how to go about doing this. I still don't have a full understanding of it, which is perhaps the way it should be. One could probably never know all they need to know about inspiring children, even and especially their own children.

My first taste of the way this works has been with my daughter Ra and her reading. I have homeschooled her since kindergarten, save for short stint in public school which ended only a few months ago. However, until this latest venture into homeschooling I was using the K12 curriculum.

This approach was what most homeschoolers refer to as school-at-home. I still had tests and curriculum and teachers to deal with. And right from the start they evaluated Ra and said she was behind in her reading skills. They practically panicked me about it to the point where I felt like a drill sargent with poor Ra and all we accomplished was getting me frustrated and her upset.

When I enrolled her in public school I hoped that the teachers would have some magic know-how that I didn't possess on getting Ra to understand reading better. But after two parent-teacher conferences in school they showed me her evaluations and she had not progressed any since the start of the year. She was well above expected averages in every other subject except reading. The school even posted an enormous bulletin on the wall in the hallway that kids who were on target or above target in reading could put their names on. Ra was really distraught that her name was not on the list and this made me upset. What right does the school system have to put up "scores" to show everyone how each other student is doing. I can't possibly think of a worse way to get kids who are doing less than average to feel even worse about themselves.

I was appalled and the next day I had pulled my children from the public school system and given the state my affidavit for homeschooling. From that day on I frantically searched for information on homeschooling because I was quite certain I was not going to do school-at-home again, because it hadn't worked well for our family; but I didn't know how to go about homeschooling on my own. I read blog posts and articles and websites on how to start homeschooling and one thing in common with most everything I read said you need to choose a homeschooling style.

I had heard mention of a few different styles so I began researching those. Thomas Jefferson Education had been introduced to me by a family friend who runs the Kimber Academy in Draper, Utah as well as my Bishop's wife in my old ward in Bountiful who used this style. I read a ton of reviews about it and developed enough of a knowledge about it to cause me to buy the book. This wasn't the only education 'style' book I purchased but it is the one I decided is going to be the core focus of how I homeschool. This is where I was first introduced to that daunting idea of "inspire not require".

In the book he mentions that his wife reads to their children every night for an hour. The idea blew me away. I knew the importance of reading to your kids, but wasn't a short kids book before bed good enough? They said not to "dumb down" your reading for the younger kids. We do them a disservice by this. They are just as capable of learning the big ideas as the rest of us, if not more so at such impressionable times of their lives. It made sense and so I decided to try it. I also decided that I would not ask Ra to read at all. I would read to her, every night, for an hour and I would also read myself during the day so that Ra could see me reading and hopefully, by being able to experience the stories without having to put in the "required" reading effort that she would develop a curiosity for what was on the next page.

After the first week Ra began asking me if we could keep reading, even after we had already been reading for an hour! I was floored. Little more than three weeks in I came upstairs while trying to get everyone ready to run some errands and Ra was sitting on the couch with a book, reading. I will never forget the sight; it nearly put me in tears. When we got in the car she brought the book with her and read it out loud to me.

Since then she has started reading books to her brothers, taking a part in reading a full page on her own in the scriptures with us every night and even doing the story time reading to me and the boys instead of me reading. I have not asked her to do any of these things. I simply led by example, I believe that for me, at this point in transitioning from Core to Love of Learning with Ra, if I lead by example I am inspiring my daughter. There are other ways to inspire and I will discover those along the way, but this is what worked first and works so well I can hardly believe it. 

I had been attempting to get her to do better with her printed hand writing, making it less sloppy, but I hadn't succeeded. I stepped back and decided I wouldn't push her in this, fearing that I was doing with writing what I had unintentionally done with reading, require it to the point that she doesn't like to and doesn't want to do it. I stepped back and led by example instead.

I have been writing all my notes about homeschooling and whatnot in cursive to help me retain the skill and perfect it so that I could better teach the kids when it came time. Unknowingly I had approached cursive the same way I approached reading. I did it in front of her often enough that she wanted to know how to do it herself. I never once asked her to do it.

She told me the other day that she couldn't wait to learn to write in cursive. I had previously thought I shouldn't teach her cursive until she was better at printing, but that day I decided that if she was so excited to learn cursive, she just might excel at it because she was passionate about it. I started off showing her how to write her name and she did such a wonderful job I really could hardly believe it. She practiced writing her name for a day or so then asked me to show her how to write some of her friend's names in cursive.

I was absolutely amazed with how well she did without any formal instruction on cursive. When I learned cursive I learned the letters individually, the same way you learn to write in print. Starting out with writing words makes more logical sense (to me at least and apparently to Ra as well) since in cursive every letter in a word is attached to the next letter, that is how it is designed. It wasn't really meant for single letters and alphabet drills.

I believe that if I continue my pursuits in furthering my own knowledge it will be the best way to stimulate a want of that knowledge in my children.  

Obey Thy Father and Thy Mother

Ca will be turning 4 years old in a few weeks. He began life as sweet tempered as one could ever hope for, but before he was a year old his slightly older cousin would hit him and take his toys so often that he began defending himself. His mannerisms quickly turned from those of self defense into bullying. More times than I dare count Ca has put his older siblings in tears, whether from chasing them about or actual physical blows. I have not known what to do about this. El and Ra are both so mild tempered that this new hoodlum attitude has completely stumped me and left me frustrated beyond words. I never spanked one of my children until him. I still don’t understand why I let myself do it, but he gets me so worked up I loose control of myself and I continue to do it because it is the only thing that has been able to stop him from his rampaging. For nearly all of these 4 years I have been in want of another way. I believe tonight I have found it.

While reading Charlotte Mason’s Original Homeschooling Series Volume 1 – Home Education, she has a section on Obedience. This is the root of my problem. Ca does not obey me. Charlotte Mason describes true obedience as doing something because it is right, not simply because mom said so.

Now, that sounds very true and lovely and all, but if I had any idea on how to accomplish this I would have done it years ago. Here she says we must cultivate in our children a Desire to obey. Again I agree, but how? You must enlist his will, gradually. You need to get his attention and ask him what it was that he did wrong, identify the problem. Then you need to ask him why he did wrong, identify the motive. Lastly, have him choose a way to do it differently that would have a more fruitful outcome. Do not become cross with him, do not yell, do not spank, and do not make him fear the punishment. Simply make it so that there is no other way. You do it the right way or not at all. As a parent you have the authority, you need to have your children believe it or there will be more heartache and argument in the future.

You must be vigilant though. A habit of obedience is only formed by an unbroken repetition of acts of obedience. It is worth the effort to have a happily obedient child. I must pray every day that I do not become lax in my duty.

This principle also applies to Ra and El. They do not openly disobey me to the same extent, but they are dilatory in their responses. Tardy, unwilling, occasional obedience is hardly better than outright disobedience. It leads to the perpetual tug of war with the kids. The endless “counting to three” where they only begin to act after two has been said and three is dangerously close to being uttered. I too, have to remember not to ask the kids to do things which I am unwilling to follow up on immediately. I need to have a clearly defined schedule so as to keep my expectations clear to the children as well as keep them from fluctuating at my whim.

There is so much to learn about parenting and life in general I do not know how people survive without reading the experiences of others on a regular basis to glean what wisdom they can find to apply to themselves. Life would be a whole lot easier if I could download all the lessons others have learned in their lives so I might not waste my time relearning those things which where so painstakingly experienced by so many generations before us.

Tree Of Knowledge

Whilst deep in search of an appropriate designation for my blog, my mind happened upon a felicitous motivation towards acquiring knowledge. In Genesis we read about a man and a woman who are told they will be able to live in comfort for eternity so long as they do not partake the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil "for in the day that thou eatest thereof though shalt surely die." A serpent comes and tempts Eve to partake of this forbidden fruit. She sees that the tree is "desired to make one wise, she took the fruit thereof, and did eat, and also unto her husband with her; and he did eat."

Most people see this story as an opportunity to participate in the idle prattle of passing blame between the sexes or attempting to skew the story to fit their agenda. However, most people are missing the most important aspect of this story. They partook of the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. They gave up eternal comfort for knowledge.

In these modern days we have endless comforts that some could only dream of. We make excuses for not striving to further our education.

 "I have my degree."   "I don't have the time."   "I don't have the money to pay for college."   "I have too many kids that depend on me to be able to do any college work."   "I'm too old to learn anything."   "I'm too young to understand."

The list of excuses could continue for quiet some time, but I will cut it short and leave you with this. Adam and Eve sacrificed EVERYTHING to be able to have the benefits of knowledge. They understood the importance of continuing to grow and develop. They are the example we need to look to when we are feeling bored or indifferent in our learning. We need to learn from their example and apply this teaching to our lives.